Things That Counfound Me (Part 1)

1. How is it that I’m single for quite a few years now, and I’m still giving out relationship advice that people heed and consider knowledgeable? Wouldn’t it be more effective if, you know, I applied it to myself effectively?


2. How is it that I can actually look at my watch three times before I actually remember the time, and when somebody asks me what time it is, I have to look again? (Would the really George Carlin please stand up?)


3. How does an MP3 player have a 16 hour battery life while my laptop has a 3 ½ hour battery life? MP3 players are probably 1/20th the size of a laptop… make a better battery.


4. Why does Connecticut NOT allow the sale of alcohol on Sundays? Does it make a big difference? Does one actually have to plan ahead for Superbowl Sunday in order to relax while Janet Jackson has a “wardrobe malfunction?"


5. Why do people forget to use turn signals on the highway? Is it really hard to push down the little lever?


6. Why is it when you call for customer service, and press 1 for English, do you get someone who sounds like you pressed 5 for the pig Latin dialectic of Mandarin Chinese?


7. How is it that Japan has a high-speed cell phone network, yet I can’t get service in my living room?


8. Why is it that I can buy a product that will tightly seal food in a bag, but I can’t find a pair of shoes out of 50 that will fit?


9. Why do they still build shower heads at the five foot mark? There is nothing more frustrating than trying to take a shower while practicing my limbo at the same time. In the morning when I’m showering, the last thing I want or am really capable of is an exercise of stamina and strength.


10. And why do I always use that tiny little bit of the soap bar? It’s impossible to use that effectively. I might as well just use a quarter to try to wash. And it’s always when you’re IN the shower that you realize you need to get another bar of soap. Of course, why would I want to get out and use my nice dry towel or drip all over the floor to get a new bar? It’s much better to spend triple the time to try to get clean…