Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Why I Transfered

I used to go to the University of Maine for quite some time. I left, for a multitude of reasons (one being my last semester I had 5 female roommates and no guys), but I remember getting an interesting list emailed while I was there. Most of it, if not all, holds true, so I figured I would post it here for posterity.

Be warned of some bad language, but enjoy the ingenuity.

You know you go to Umaine if...

You know how many times the Union steps have been rebuilt.

You think Bananas is a good name for a giant bear.

You have had to attend 3 alcohol free events and write about them.

You have mistaken Pizza dome delivery cars for Public Safety.

You have walked frat row is sub zero temperatures.

You drink Mr. Pib, and like it.

You know who the Helium Penguin is.

You know more English than your professor does.

You have lost a toe to frost bite walking to class.

You hope eternally for the snow day that never comes.

You think Margaritas is the place to be.

You open your dorm window when it’s 12 below because its 120 in your room

Your RA is gay as hell and proud of it.

You don’t remember Bumstock and you don’t care.

You personally know a horse rapist.

You consider a coffee in the Oaks room a study session.

You would riot after hockey games but its too damn cold.

Every frat you used to go to is either shut down or burnt up.

Your landlord is Lou and has a mail order Korean wife.

You take more than your 1 allotted fruit or dessert.

You then throw the fruit at something because it was free.

Your next door neighbors are computer geek anti-social shut-ins who never leave their room.

You return your cans to Skeeters so you can accept beer in exchange.

Orloff and 5 O’clock are your vodkas of choice.

You know that Orloff is bottled in Lewiston not Russia.

You consider empty liquor bottles legitimate room decorations.

Especially if they are filled with highlighted water.

Pizza delivered in stapled paper plates seems normal to you.

What’s the student Senate?

You’ve hidden a green bike.

You’ve cursed who ever found the green bike you hid so well.

You’ve gone to cutler just for the basket-o-condoms.

You wish the golf cart guy would come back.

You know what a “bad mill day” is.

You park illegally because you have to.

You know that at Umaine it’s the freshman 40 not 15.

You have to walk to York on the weekends and consider it quite a trek

You like Mondays because the toilets are finally clean again.

You’ve lost patches of skin to the power showers.

Your Janitor spends more time smoking than cleaning

You’ve stalked people for their parking space.

You’ve stayed home just to keep your awesome parking spot.

Your jokes about the elevator falling are only half joking.

The movies on the ROC channel make or break your day.

You’ve thanked God for the Drunk Bus.

You’ve walked to Washburn and back trying to pretend your bag is full of books.

$2.00 Maine card charges piss you off.

You think it is normal when it gets dark at 3:00 pm

You didn’t know we had a radio station.

If you did you never listen to it.

You haven’t bought a CD or movie since you got Direct Connect.

You spend more time putting up away messages than doing things.

You think Hockey is the only sport that matters.

You spend 2 hours per meal in the dining commons.

You hate UNH.

You liked snow before you came here, now you don’t.

You buy a Latti pass a week before spring break.

You wonder where the hot girls go from Oct. to May

You read the Police beat first every time you pick up the Maine Campus.

You check First Class 15 times a day.

You shop at Wal-Mart exclusively.

You run into people you know at Wal-Mart.

You can actually escape from the mess that is the Bangor mall shopping center.

Proximity determines who your friends are.

Snow removal is a valid reason to tow you

You have more than $100 in parking tickets and the year is only half over.

You stayed up till 4 am trying to register for classes.

You know you're not a freshman, but beyond that…….

You’ve puked off your loft.

You hate the fact that the vending machines don’t take Maine Cards.

You can tell who freshman are by the key around their neck.

You’ve never actually seen president Hoff.

Your Maine card is in more than one piece but you refuse to pay $15 to replace it.

You “Almost fought some guy last night”

You only smoke when you drink. (too bad that’s all the time)

You know the walk of shame

You buy Milwaukee’s Beast for one reason, its 10.99 a 30 pack.

You have to Shit 45 Minutes after eating commons food.

You save your meals for steak and lobster day.

You heckle people from the safety of your fourth floor window.

You brave the taco bell line for a tasty Quesadilla.

You know that Professor Palmer dates students and loves it.

You've ever lived off Spaghettios for more than a week just to avoid eating at Stewart Commons.

~~~Credit for this creation goes to


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