Monday, February 28, 2005

Pepsi - I'm a Hustler Baby

Have you seen the iTunes Pepsi commercial? Most of it is just whatever and geeky, but the white guy busting out to Jay-Z's "I Just Wanna Love You (Give It To Me)" makes me laugh out loud every time I've seen it. I even went so far as to find the Pepsi Commerical Online.

Note: It's about 1.8 MB and you need Quicktime.

"I'm a hustla baby... I just want you to know..."

Friday, February 25, 2005


Pick up lines I've actually used just to see if they worked*:

"Hey, why don't you buy me a drink and get to know me better?"

"I just want to use you for your personality."

"Wanna take me out? I'm broke."

"Do you cook? Don't you think you should learn?"

"Are you always this much of a bitch?"

"But I'm really a nice guy..."

"Can I hump your leg?"

"Want another drink? I'm trying to take advantage of you."

"You're purty."

"You smell good." (followed by sniffing like a dog in her ear)

"I like my women like I like my dogs: subservient, begging and hairy."

"Wow. That wasn't even remotely funny."

"I hate being wing man. What's your name?"

"You weren't kidding when you said you suck at life, huh?"

"All aboard!" (speaking to two girls)

"Do you flirt with all of the boys like this?"

"People generally think it's appropriate to chew with their mouth closed. You should try it."

"You really think you should have kids?"

"Do you always act like a lesbian or do you just need the attention?"

"Damn, with those boots, you almost look like a hooker..."

"I wonder if you're cute when I'm sober."

And perhaps the worst I've ever said:

"Don't be mad just because you're losing the war to gravity."

*None of them actually were successful. Do not try this at home.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Silent Minority

With all of the hating on Republicans lately, I thought I'd bring up a few things to piss people off. A few things the wonderful Dems haven't brought up or acknowledged lately:

1. We had elections in January in Iraq. Did you hear them admit that they were wrong, saying it was impossible? Nope. Now you hear them saying we need a public exit strategy. That's good, we'll help the fundamentalists with their calendar.

2. No Child Left Behind is a bad policy. The funny thing is that teachers (not collegiate level) truly know the holes and problems with this bill, and have a valid point for a democratic platform. It's just really hard to fight something with that title. And Dems don't wanna.

3. Remember all of those movie stars and public figures who said that if GW was re-elected, they'd leave the country? Yeah? Where are they now? Didn't they get their invitation from Carnival Cruise Lines?

4. Socialized health care, Canada being the apex example, is actually more expensive and creates a monopoly:

One-fifth of the revenues come from a wage tax of 3.22 per cent charged to employers and the rest comes from general taxes at the provincial and federal levels. It costs $1,200 per year in taxes for each Quebec citizen to have access to the public health system. This means that the average two-child family pays close to $5,000 per year in public health insurance. This is much more expensive than the most comprehensive private health insurance plan.

5. I don't agree with a constitutional amendment preventing gay marriage, nor do I believe in removing the right for women to have a choice with their bodies. Neither does the Supreme Court, nor the majority of Republicans. Not all Republicans are fanatical Christians. What happened to coming together to promote the good of all?

6. Sean Penn is not a political leader. He's actually an asshole. Somebody oughta just pull him aside and say, "Watch the sass, Captain Sassy Pants."

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Hallmark Day

In the spirit of this dark, overcast, dreary day that happens to be celebrated by the embittered and entwined alike, I've decide to post some jokes and stuff about love, marriage, and the battle of the sexes. Note that I have no originality today and that I just thought some of these might be funny.



A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife.”

He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she.”

Happy Valentine's Day kids!